Kaolin Fire with GUD Issues 0 through 5

kaolin fire presents :: writing :: poetry :: JustAChild


"JustAChild"

I'm just a child and this is all a game --
I swig my IBC lounging back in shorts
that just aren't my size,
reminiscing of the days gone by
that really weren't that long ago.
Memories at five of a deep, deep crush,
and friendship before I understood it.
As if I understand anything.
I realize, Socrates, that I know nothing,
and that I strive to learn.
I can't give up my bodily pleasures:
videogames in the noonday sun,
coca-cola thirsting itself down my throat.
But I'm just a child, and this is all a game.
I can't be expected to do anything right,
but I try, I cry, I hurt
just like any bootlegged adult.
They don't even ID me when I walk into a club.
And all the while I look through still innocent eyes
though I've got a hefty load of sarcasm to keep things in perspective
(and to hide myself in).
I'm too small too frail too new to be playing in this world!
I know someone, very well, and I love her,
but I don't know what love is.
I think of permanency but what is permanent when you're a kid?
"The sky. It's blue.  I like it."
I'm just a child and this is all a game and I don't
understand
anything that's going on, except I know that there are other
conspirators
out there -- I can see them in the eyes of the fallen.
The confusion!
They're just children in a play wondering when they thrust their costumes
off
and join the rest of the children in the audience and enjoy life again.
And these are heavy thoughts
because I'm just a child, and this is all a game.
I look at life, a kitten, and I am her father, this child, caring and
nurturing
this life and contemplating
what the hell it is that I think I'm doing?
How can I a child have this child, and love her, and care for her,
and want everything to be well for her?
I'm still in school,
though I've got a job and a stacked resume (it looks sweet) --
But I'm responsible for this life.
She looks up to me,
races up to me,
demands to play with me,
and I have to because she's a kitten.
But I'm just a child, and this is all a game.



I am soooo fake pre-loading this image so the navigation doesn't skip while loading the over state.  I know I could use the sliding doors technique to avoid this fate, but I am too lazy.