Kaolin Fire with GUD Issues 0 through 5

kaolin fire presents :: thoughts :: loneliness


2000::Aug::3

Loneliness. What. Is. Loneliness.

Loneliness is
Bottled up
Explosion
Implosion
Derision
.

Loneliness is being reminded that you're lonely, having your face rubbed in it. Loneliness is still caring, afraid of "bottling it up" as unhealthy, afraid of "letting it go" as "wallowing". When does experiencing the pain help and when does it hurt? BOUNDARIES! I ***HATE*** BOUNDARIES. Everything is or isn't.

Loneliness is sometimes removed and sometimes very close. Loneliness is obligations that don't leave you time to deal with your problems but leave you enough time to worry about them. Loneliness is fear of being down for the count. Loneliness is fear of not getting back up even after the bell dings. Loneliness is memories and dreams, bile-churning business. Loneliness is a deep-seated need. Loneliness sucks.

Loneliness is a HOPE that holds a rough torch to your gut that maybe, just maybe, it will pass. Loneliness is a test of your assumptions. Loneliness is a failure of your assumptions.

Loneliness is a failure to communicate.

Yesterday, Loneliness seemed so far away... yesterday...

Loneliness is the thought that showing this to anyone I know would only be whining, that I feel to some extent that's the only way I can get their attention, knowing that's not true and hating myself for the thought, knowing that I'm just "in a mood", knowing that I'm not just "in a mood", knowing that I'll get out of it and actually hating and fearing that as well. Why do we so attach to our pains?

Loneliness is.

Loneliness is why.

Loneliness is Why.

Why?