Kaolin Fire with GUD Issues 0 through 5

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A day in the life of Kaolin Imago Fire circa mid-2016; Fenris is 3.5yo, Phoenix 2mo:

2016-10-13 15:59:00

A day in the life of Kaolin Imago Fire circa mid-2016; Fenris is 3.5yo, Phoenix 2mo:

Fenris wakes me up around 5:30. If earlier, he has to try to go back to bed, and I might go to bed with him to help.

We'll play for a little bit (board games, card games (war or solitaire), blocks, whatever suits his fancy. if it's early enough I'll actually snooze for a bit on his bed while he "plays quietly" (which generally means playing on his computer, typing things in a word processor))

I feed the cat, make coffee....

I'll get breakfast ready for us (cereal, pancakes, waffles...). And I'll make him a "hot chocolate" (mug of milk... I'll put it in the microwave, then carry him around in his booster seat to push 1 — 0 — 9 — start, then "rocket" him around the house until the timer (or my arms) goes off — then a sprinkle of hot chocolate powder mix, and three metal straws....).

While he's eating, I'll (usually) put away dishes from the dishwasher and make his lunch.

Somewhere in here I help him change into dayclothes (though sometimes he gets to keep wearing his pajamas if they're not TOO pajama-like). And somewhere in here I'm supposed to make him brush his teeth, but I've been forgetting.

If Phoenix cries and I'm not too occupied, I'll run in and change him, then Amy will nurse....

Amy admits defeat somewhere between 7 and 8am.

I take Fenris to school at 8:30 (driving, usually, though sometimes bus/walk or bus/BART). We might get to play at the school a little bit, but I generally have to rush back home to get the 9am bus to work.

Home at 6pm, I feed the cat, Amy has dinner ready and is pretty burnt out from juggling two kiddos from 2:30p until 6pm and getting dinner ready. I get Fenris into the bath by 7pm, then out and PJs and brushing and flossing by 7:30pm. Read stories until 8pm, then bed/lights out.

Amy and I start getting ready for bed, nursing Phoenix, picking up. I put dishes away (usually), and sometimes it's trash/recycling day, or compost day, and I have to run/swap those out. Sometimes I remember to do the cat litter.

Bed at ... 9p? Up at 2:30am to change Phoenix's diaper, get Amy some water, and go back to bed while she nurses. Up at 4:00am to change Phoenix's diaper, get Amy some water, and go back to bed while she nurses....

Rinse, repeat....

feedback loops

2016-02-05 10:00:00

Ah, feedback loops. I was kind of out of sorts, yesterday, and for some reason had a lot of diet coke (to try to feel better, though I "knew" it wouldn't help ... I *wanted* it to).

But diet coke hits me weirdly compared to coffee. I don't feel more alert/energized, but hours later I'm not able to go to sleep (what happens to other people with coffee?).

I ... tried relaxing, zoning out, ... took a bath. It was kind of nice, but I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. And icing on the cake, my nightmares when I did get to sleep revolved around not getting enough sleep (less than I actually got).

Today...I feel moderately rested, but I can tell that my thoughts are ... quieter, muddy, and my emotional reactions are ... louder and noisier.

Also: WOW. That photo is from 2013. It's now 2016. That's only 3 years, but that little squiggle in the photo can REASON VERBALLY.

Submitting a 250-500 word bio to attend an Amazon event in a couple months....

2015-03-03 12:06:00

Kaolin Imago Fire is a member of the Visual Search and Mobile Innovation team at A9. He's been developing software independently since the days of DOOR games, not counting hours entering machine code from the back of COMPUTE!'s Gazette. He's had fiction and poetry published in Strange Horizons, Crossed Genres, and Murky Depths, among others; has taught computer science at high school and college levels; dabbles in cover art and cover design; and obsesses about the human brain. He knows whereof androids dream.
At A9, Kaolin has worked on a variety of projects, with underlying threads of good data management and what can be done on a mobile phone. He led a hackday team that developed a purely mobile-based "image match" solution, has been instrumental in working with other A9 engineers to accept better data practices, and participated in generating the graphic design/mockups for A9 Visual Search Mobile Innovation's OP1 documents. He is also currently mentoring a coop student in computer vision/deep learning and good engineering practices.
Prior to A9 he was Vice President of Product Development at Blindsight, a company developing mobile computer-vision-based applications for the visually impaired, where he led the development of their flagship iOS apps, TextDetective and Magnifire, and assisted in bringing an academic solution to practical fruition.
Most of his personal projects revolve around his 2yo son at the moment, including developing a sound-and-painting app made for "babies and above", learning to juggle, making up songs, and trying to be a good role-model in general.

some of Fenris's favorite things at 21-ish months

2014-12-04 22:59:00

Some of Fenris's favorite things at 21-ish months:

* tiger jacket — he got to wear it for halloween (over a batmap shirt + cape), and it's been his go-to jacket since.
* "throwcatch" — throwing him in the air and catching him, until exhausted
* "runjump" — putting him on my shoulders, running, and jumping, until exhausted
* "missyrun" — putting him on my shoulders and running in circles with Amy's parents' dog Missy
* car — he loves to play in the car, poking all the buttons, climbing around the seats, ...
* Elmo — some Sesame Street apps; and drawing Elmo in the bath with bath crayons; and an Elmo food pouch.
* happy yogi — dried yogurt "drops" made for babies/toddlers
* Eek! — chasing him around the house (or wherever) while shrieking
* train — all sorts; we watch the BART trains (and ride the elevators and escalators and sometimes even trains) many mornings; there's a train play structure in one of the parks we frequent; we have some thomas the train books, thomas the train rain boots (which he also loves, separately), a thomas the train children's umbrella, ....
* "pictures plane" — Amy looked at pictures of planes on the computer with him, and he's been asking for it all the last week.... (Amy says he says "airplane pictures", maybe I'm just out of phase)
* phone / babypaints / rarr — various apps on the phone, but mostly so he can play with ALL of the apps on the phone. he's quite adept at app switching, and poking things that move; understands "play" buttons and swiping through things....
* computer — he really doesn't get to play with this lately, but he wants, oh he wants....
* mommy milk
* gum — Fenris hearts gum hard.
* waffles — Amy loves them, Fenris loves them, they both ask for them
* "keys" — he likes to lock/unlock doors (with assistance)
* buppy and blankie — stuffed animal and stuffed animal/blanket.
* "blocks" and "legos" (building/smashing)
* "letters" — some foam puzzles with the alphabet, and a wooden puzzle with the alphabet
* "filing" — Amy has a small file folder box under her chair that he likes to open and pull things out of (and he'll dutifully put them back, with assistance).

What would I say?

2014-11-11 19:01:00

What would I say, if I were here?

It's 2014, almost 2015—though on and off this year, I've been sure it was 2015. Something about that number. Next year, I'll probably be second-guessing myself about it just because of how sure I've been at times this year.

I bought a house in Berkeley. Spent a good chunk of the first half of the year fixing it up (with much (MUCH MUCH) help from a friend-electrician who knew housing codes and all around handy-stuffs). Started a new job April 1st.

Haven't written much of anything. Haven't coded much of anything. Haven't...done...much of anything, outside of helping raise Fenris for coming on 21 months. Which is, alternately and sometimes together, mentally and physically exhausting. Wonderful, of course, but I'm used to having "little" projects I can show off, call done, move on. Hoping he'll be a programmer, at least as a hobby, at least to humor his old man, so we have something to do together early on. Meanwhile, I'm going to have to get better at throwing and catching. (I /have/ been learning to juggle for the last couple years, although I haven't gotten past "3 objects").

Socially migrated from Twitter to Facebook, mostly (lots of videos of Fenris). And just a tiny bit more interaction, stuff hangs around longer, more comments... just where things are.

So I'm probably not really here.

not quite a day in the life — a glimpse of projects "potential"

2014-09-23 15:23:00

Where is my brain? Priorities. The house. Amy. Fenris. Migrating server stuff from alethe.net to tentacle.net. GUD, of course GUD.

Where is my brain?

"The frequency axis is warped according to a mel transformation [?] to imitate the processing performed in the human auditory system, where spectral components at low frequencies are replicated with higher spectral resolution than those which occur in high frequency regions. The inverse FFT of the result is truncated to 15 cepstral coefficients to form the basic signal representation in the neighborhood of the current frame." Kaolin Fire

^^^ attempting to osmose knowledge/understanding of machine learning applied to audio. ( http://www.mit.edu/~mitter/publications/C34.2_linguistic_feature_long_pp.pdf )

FFTs have always given me problems. I understand them perfectly well conceptually, I think; but weakly, mathematically. And maybe not so well around the edges. And … for some reason … features-on-audio is much harder for me than features-on-images. ((two large reasons: familiarity with images and features on images; and image data being rasterized in a far more understandable 'raw' format))

along those lines (those lines being…things kaolin wants to achieve outside of work, and isn't making any real headway on…oh dear god, let's not concentrate on that…)

god, I don't even know. what?

I want my (BabyPaints) "spooky bubbles" to move like … hmm… ghostlike versions of balloons jettisoning oxygen

I want to generate super-fast perlin noise

I want to do that autostereogram stuff on the GPU

I want to try doing some variation of https://github.com/longears/sortpixels on the GPU

I want to write, and paint, and write some more. Or have-written. Painting is more fun during. But then you have to deal with the painting. Physical media has easier intrinsic worth, but sucks more to carry around.

want want want.


I've done nothing. I do nothing. I sleep. I've been playing "Hearthstone" about 30 minutes a day, on my way to sleep. I've been playing "Ingress" about 30 minutes a day, on my way to work or home, on brief breaks in the outside-world. I'm trying to make things happen at work. I'm trying to not be endlessly discouraged.

I'm not here. I just thought this was a potentially-interesting-enough-to-myself-later post to put somewhere I still consider a little less ephemeral than Facebook. I haven't tweeted much lately. I post a lot of Fenris videos on Facebook. I don't ... create.

So...2014, huh?

2013-12-31 20:51:00

It's been a year. It's been a crazy year. It's been good, and it's been wild, and it's been damned hard. I'm not even going to try.

Depressed right now. Amy and I are on our computers, neither really motivated to do anything (well, I seem motivated to wine). This is our 9 year anniversary. Fenris is 10 months old, and a pile of joy, and an endless font of work-to-be-done. Our new house in Berkeley is finally ours, and needs more work than we're managing to contemplate—and that starts next week. I got a second opinion on my broken nose (from the bicycle accident the day before my birthday), and am taking antibiotics and steroids for it; and will get a new CT scan in a month, and then probably get the same opinion as the first (re-break, do things to deal with chronic sinusitis).

I haven't been working on any projects, not really. No writing. No reading. No doing. Fenris-watching. Which can be pretty amazing, but can be pretty hard, too. Babypaints this year...a fizzle. Disasteroids last year, about as bad or worse. Tumbledots a year or two before that. I have a backlog of games to develop (or port) and no expectation of them doing anything...though Babypaints was for Fenris, originally, and it's done well enough by him, and the handful of other children I've shared it with. But that's hard to remember, day to day. A different metric.

Going through our Acton house, trying to figure out what to give away/sell/downsize, looking at all the things I haven't done anything with, and time fleeting away...fewer and fewer years left to do any of what I want to do. And nothing that I do really amounting to anything. Hoping to rent out the Acton house to recoup years of losses, but it's not all that hopeful. Just...do what you have to, right? I've always been bad about throwing bad money after bad, because...maybe. And...maybe. I don't know. I say that because it's easier to say than to know.

And work stuff...work has been a ride...I'd say like none other, but this is the third time I've been through something like this, really; and this has been the most transparent and hopeful version yet, but it's still a grind, demoralizing, depressing, exhausting. By the end of next month I should know where I'm winding up and what's going on with the stuff I've spent the last couple years heart-and-soul on.

And nothing is good enough. Nothing is ever good enough, with anything.

A day in the life...Fenris, 7mo.

2013-09-25 15:02:00

A day in my life; Fenris, 7mo.

I sleep through the night, mostly able to ignore Fenris' cries—Amy attends to those.

Wake up at 06:45—Amy calls out "your turn", or something to that effect. This is a rough, but surprisingly consistent, time—when Fenris decides he's not going back to sleep. I take him out to the living room, and entertain him for an hour or so while Amy gets to spread out and zone out. I keep him in his pj's...change him out of his night time diaper if I don't forget (I'm not entirely conscious, depending on how sleep was and such). Fenris is currently *almost* crawling. He actually made it half-way across our play mat this morning, without belly-flopping in-between, but he wasn't willing to do it again yet. Mostly, he goes through the motion of crawling, while wiggling backwards. Or he can belly-plant, pull forward, push up, ... and slowly make his way towards a goal, mostly focused on getting his hand closer-and-closer to grabbing something. He recently started catching himself when he's about to fall from sitting up. And he loves pulling himself up to standing on things (though more times than not he tries to do that with things that aren't stable enough, and he topples).

Amy gets up 30-60 minutes later, and we start worrying about breakfast. Today was a treat: I made chocolate-chip buttermilk pancakes. They're high in calories (nearing 1/2 my daily average), but they really hit the spot. More often it's an egg and sausage and beans and toast; or egg and bacon and hashbrown. Sometimes, though rarely, it's cereal. Oh, and I'll get the coffee going—Amy takes maybe 2oz, topped off with milk, and heated, so that she doesn't get too much caffeine (and pass it on to Fenris). I take mine black (fewer calories, and simpler), one cup (maybe 6-8oz).

After breakfast, I bike to work. There, I often make another pot of coffee (we have a lovely grinder, a temparature-controlled boiler, a lovely chemex drip system, ... and we tend to get good beans). But I'm lazy, and these days the only coffee drinker in the office, so I tend to make one pot for two days. I also snack on a few dark chocolate squares through the day.

Bike home for lunch, play with Fenris, bike back to work....

Work, work, work. I try to leave work around 17:00, because that's when Fenris starts to get fussy. Amy tends to ping me around 17:30 if I'm still at work. Sometimes I leave work around 18:00 or 18:30 because I'm just wrapped in things and need to get them out of my head.

Fenris gets a bath every other day (and naked time). And then typically goes to bed somewhere between 18:00 and 19:00...and we'll have dinner either before or during. If during, we'll sneak some television. If before, we'll all eat together (on the floor, or on a tv tray). It's a small apartment, we don't have a lot of flexible furniture. The closest thing we have to a dinner table is now the baby station—unless you count the two tables worth of computer stuff. A glass of wine with dinner is common.

And in the middle of all this, Amy works really hard entertaining/teaching Fenris; feeding Fenris; managing our finances; shopping; planning; and trying to work on her PhD (which I try to help her work on, when it's plausible); we split the other chores (dishes, cooking, cleaning...though the things that can slide tend to slide more than they used to).

Sometimes we'll work until 22:00 or a little later; sometimes we're in bed by 20:00. Sometimes we'll sneak some extra television, but we try to ration that.

The first time Fenris starts stirring from his sleep, if I'm Amy and I are still out of bed (~20:30), I'll go in and sing to him until he goes back under.

Rinse, repeat. Exhaustion.

weight-y matters

2013-09-09 21:41:00

Out of curiosity, I played with a "calorie calculator" to figure out what my weight would be if I kept around 1600 a day. 95lbs. That's...yeah, I'm not going there. Dear (*@&#$ I'm not going there. Sheesh. 115 lbs if I stick with 1700 a day. Maybe I just get down to 140 and start eating 1800 again. Though that's apparently my maintenance calories if I weight 135. How did I go over 170, with numbers like that!? (2000 calories a day maintenance, apparently). Well.

Yeah, these numbers are making no sense to me, emotionally. But whatever. I'm in a good place right now, I think. Down to 145 for the first time in a very long time. I've been counting (but not religiously) for a few months. Mostly, trying to be conscious of what I'm eating, and trying to be somewhat religious about my 7-day trailing average, and very religious about my 28-day trailing average. :)

a list of games....

2013-09-09 12:20:00

A friend recently asked for a list of all the games I have available. And I'd made most of this list up a week ago, for someone else, and figured, hey, one more place to put it. Because if you love Tetris and haven't played Falling Up, you're really, really missing out. ;)

This list is not complete; it doesn't include DOOR game plugins I did a long time ago; nor a few half-done things that I released prematurely and haven't gone back to; nor things I lost long ago on other systems; nor that one java game I made for phones before there were smart phones; nor, well, yeah....

PC/OS X/Linux:


Flash games:

I am soooo fake pre-loading this image so the navigation doesn't skip while loading the over state.  I know I could use the sliding doors technique to avoid this fate, but I am too lazy.