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"CheesecakeRecipe"

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Cheesecake Recipe for the Closet Pyromaniac _Please Read Directions Fully_

Ingredients:

1 ea kitchen timer 1 ea oven with temperature gauge in Fahrenheit or Celsius 1 ea stove 1 ea small pot 1 ea set of measuring spoons 1 cup water 1/2 cup shortening 2.5 lb cream cheese at room temp 1 3/4 cup granulated sugar 3 Tbs all-purpose flour 1 zest orange 1/4 tsp extract of vanilla 1 med mixing bowl 1 ea electric beater 7 ea eggs 1/4 cup whipping cream 1 ea 9-inch pie pan 2 cup graham cracker crumbs 1 pair oven mitts 1/4 cup chocolate syrup 1/2 cup cocoa powder 1 sheet syran wrap 1 ea refrigerator



Preheat oven to 500 degrees Fahrenheit or 260 degrees Celsius depending on your geocultural locale.

Next, aerate the shortening; put a small pot on the stove with water and shortening; raise mixture to a boil and allow to remain for five minutes.

Meanwhile, add cream cheese, sugar, flour, zest, and vanilla to the medium mixing bowl, and beat until smooth. Crack two eggs and discard the whites, then mix in the remaining yolks and eggs one at a time. Finally, add the cream, still mixing.

Take the aerated shortening and blend with the graham cracker crumbs in the 9-inch pie pan. Spread this mixture gently across the bottom and sides of the pan, taking care not to release the air from the shortening.

Pour mixture into the pan and bake for 10 minutes or 600 seconds depending on your geocultural locale, until the top of the cake turns golden brown. Reduce the oven temperature to 210 degrees Fahrenheit, 95 degrees Celsius, and bake for one hour, or one twenty-fourth of a day longer.

With oven mitts, remove your virgin cheesecake from the oven and place it atop the stove. Spread the chocolate syrup over the cheesecake and dust with the cocoa powder, then allow to cool. Once it has reached room temperate to a reasonable degree of accuracy, cover with syran wrap and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Bon appetit flambe!

WARNING--DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS, OR AT LEAST NOT WITHOUT THE ADULT SUPERVISION OF A FIREMAN, OR ON A NICE GRILL ON A CONCRETE SLAB AWAY THIRTY FEET FROM ANYTHING FLAMMABLE, WHILE YOU STAND A GOOD TWENTY FEET BACK AND PRAY TO THE GOOD LORD TO NOT WORSEN YOUR POCK-MARKED FACE WITH OIL SPATTER SCARRING OR TAKE AWAY YOUR EYESIGHT WITH THE RESULTING EXPLOSION!