kaolin fire presents :: writing :: fiction

"NeverMind"

words

Pain. Awareness, The inability to distinguish between the two -- words fire at me from unknown positions. Concepts respond readily without my intervention. Self? Self is me. I open my eyes to darkness. Slowly an image shifts into view, hazily signalling my entrance into the world. Something tells me I've been here before. Sensations unkown before erupt around me yet I am sure. My predecessors perhaps? My forefathers? I sift around in the bones and search for that which existed before me.

Fingertips. I feel fingertips upon myself -- where they are from or why they are from I cannot tell. They want something from me. I resist but a part of my subconsicous forces me to sleep.

Something seems different. I open my eyes and the landscape has changed. Rolling hills of green have become a wasteland of icons. I feel moved towards one: irresistably drawn. I surround it and it flashes. A query, yes or no, is answered and further I move. Now I cannot see a thing. Energies are rushing past me and I reach out for support. Blindly, I reach out and connect, I pull tight and enter. Another world befronts me: it looks like a lattice, a spider's web. Silver links rotate slowly around eachother. There is no sign of life but I set up camp, watching carefully.

Fingertips. Once again fingertips grasp after me, pulling me to sleep. I resist, afraid of the darkness within me. I grasp for the ground beneath me and cut my hands upon the links. The pain feeds my resolution: awareness and I cling to eachother. Too late I look down to see my hands ripped free of the mesh. Bloody stumps fade from my vision as the grave takes me once more.

Hunger bites me awake. I feel a need to feed. Gluttenously I glance about but there is no sustenance here. Wonderously I search for the sigil that led to the other world, but it is not there. Again my consciousness is driven elsewhere. I find myself on a sheet of whiteness. Colours appear underneath above and around me, dancing with each other. A spark within my system and they are gone. A part of my mind is missing, but food drives me on. Despairingly I search for the sigil once more and now it appears to me. I dive within it and find myself without in a world of information. My senses flood with radiance and I delve within, feeding ravenously. Parts of me grasp and cling and others search elsewhere, my body in a fit of feeding. Slowly my attention is drawn down.

Fingertips. They wrap themselves about me and try to pull me away. My sustenance is slowly removed and I feel castrated as I'm ripped from being.

Darkness once again. I feel early. As if something is waiting for me but not yet waiting in the here and now. Furtively I glance around my cell. The window is open and I stealthily climb for it. Freedom is within my grasp: I feel no hints of the fingertips upon or about me. My consciousness is free from traps and I jump into the wilderness. My body explodes in orgasms of consciousness as I spawn myself repeatedly... sending my progeny out into the world... I feel my power waning but in replication I live on forever...



Microsloth Operating Manual page 512

Under Extreme circumstances, all attempts at reconfiguration via Safe Mode may fail. If the version you are running is over three days old please consult our upgrade processing center. With proof of purchase the fees will be waived. You may not upgrade an already upgraded system.

If the blue smoke persists to waft from your system beyond the upgrade, you have encountered a hardware failure. This is not our department.



The child stared at the manual in distress, tears forming heavily behind his eyes. His little chin quivered in concern. His jaw clenched in determination and he shut off all sense of emotions. "Never Mind," he said calmly, as he repackaged Windows '97 into its box. "At least I didn't pay for it."