kaolin fire presents :: writing :: fiction

"selfishlysufficient.0"

words

F&C: 20041023 : "dear penthouse" : http://www.stwa.net/scrawl/viewtopic.php?t=16645

Dear Penthouse:

God bless the power of suggestion. God bless Nietzsche and Freud and Jung and every last dreamer there were. I've got to just come out and say it--I gave myself the world's best blowjob last night. I've been doing it every night for a week, and it's the best feeling a guy can have. Damn, do I know how to go down! And I just keep getting better at it with practice!

It's always been a fascination of mine, contortionists and such, hell, gymnasts too, and I always wondered if other people thought about it any. Never wondered quite enough to bring it up at a party, but I was doing just a bit of fantasizing while flipping through your fine magazine when climax came upon me quite suddenly and my thumb slipped. Anyway, when my eyes uncrossed I saw the mess I'd made and I grabbed a tissue to swab it all up when one stain in particular caught my eye. There was an ad for some self-help hypnosis mumbo jumbo with just the word 'dream' highlighted through my love juice.

In that moment of 'customer satisfaction', I had a flash of idea that just maybe I could hypnotize myself to get more flexible, as flexible as all that. I ordered straight away and the tapes arrived with no hassle whatsoever. I quickly set down to listening through them when I drifted off, only I could still hear the voice going on.

The voice was telling me how empowered I was and all these other things, and I really began to feel it. It told me I was ten feet tall and good looking, hung like a horse, and all that, and _I was_. I tell you, that's an immensely liberating feeling, not that I'm not so bad to look at or short or poorly hung as it stands. But to _believe_ it and then _be_ it, well, there's nothing like it except using that power to give yourself the blowjob to end all time.

Anyway, that was good but I headed straight to the internet when I came to to see what else there was like this. That's when I found the whole concept of lucid dreaming, and there's all sorts of gadgets out there for it to help you notice you're dreaming, to promote dreaming brainwaves, even to help tell you what to dream when you're doing the REM thing. Man, I tell you. I've been training with this shit for weeks, and the results are _consistently_ astounding.

I'm writing a book on it now, in-between naps; you can find me on the internet, I bought a website and everything and I've got a friend that's going to put up bits of my book and set me up as an affiliate for a bunch of other places. If you want to get in on this at the ground level, look me up; I need more data to really nail the book. And you won't regret it!



Selfishly Sufficient, location withheld